We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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