So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Come on in and take your pants off
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
