We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
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I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
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My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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