If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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