i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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