I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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