were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
