Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
