The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
