So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
