After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
