You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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