she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
