question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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