i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
