Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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