Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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