hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize