He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize