I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
