there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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