You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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