Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
