We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
