Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
