her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
