Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
