Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
