Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I had to cum in my sink.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
