Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I am spending my child support on dildos
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
