Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
