stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
