Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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