Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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