If that was your dad, he is hot
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
