Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
