Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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