im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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