Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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