i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
