had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
