i may or may not be watching the land before time
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
