I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
