i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
