It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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