don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
