The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Hippo gnu deer
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
