Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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