but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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