Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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