It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize