i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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