Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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