weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
