3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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