i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
