Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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