I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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