I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize