i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
